|wNov 11, 2006|
walk among us / oh if you judge us / we're all damned
I feel like maybe I shouldn't write right now because it's 3:00 am and that's been a bad idea in the past. However, I did sleep for a couple of hours at Antoine's apartment (I fall asleep everywhere, I swear - and it's so warm there! Annnnnd, I like Antoine, (: ), so let's cross fingers.
But basically, what I want to say is something that I've been meaning to say for a long time. Something I wanted to say over the summer, something I want to say right now, and something I want to say to lots of people - people I scarcely know who make passing judgments and some people who happen to be my friends alike. And that thing is that I cannot for the life of me understand why some people feel like they're the only person in the world who has ever experienced traumatic shit. Or has been the only person who's ever felt like dying.
Like, with some people it's like a pissing contest. Having to compare your pasts until you find out whose is the most conflicted, whose is the most traumatic, who "felt the most pain." If you start comparing the bad things that have happened in your life with what's happened in that of others, it'll never end. So what's the point? There isn't any.
Maybe some of it was in the way I was raised. Both of my parents, but my mom especially, have always taught me that you can't judge anybody, no matter how much information you have about them. You can't assume that the cashier at McDonald's is stupid. You can't assume that homeless people are lazy. You can't assume that people tell you everything you need to know in order to understand them. Even if they're members of your family. Even if they're your friends.
So, I guess I'm just always amazed when other people make judgments of me or of others. When they assume that I've never experienced the things that they have just because I don't wear every hurt that's ever been forced upon me on my sleeve for everybody to see. Sometimes when I talk to people, I feel like for them to acknowledge the fact that I have, in fact, experienced what they have experienced, I would have to pull out my diaries and open them up to a page and show them. I mean, wow. Seriously.
And, honestly? Nothing cheapens a person's pain more than having other people tell them that they don't understand what it means, never felt it in the first place, or that it pales in comparison to theirs. Wow. Talk about a sucker-punch to the gut.
I'm sick of feeling like I have to accommodate other people for this that's happened in their past. Nobody makes special considerations for me, and if anybody ever felt like they had to, I'd probably be disgusted with myself.
Current Music: The Fallen - Franz Ferdinand4:17 AM
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