wMay 23, 2006

Sentiments, Broken Things, and General Discontent

I'm not entirely sure that this lack-of-school thing is a good thing. Now that I actually have time to process my thoughts and feelings, I am actually experiencing everything I usually spend a lot of time pushing aside and ignoring. I just sit and feel them, and I feel like I should write things like stories or crappy poetry to get it out of me, but for whatever reason, I still feel like I can't. So these things called emotions are festering.

My stupid phone is broken again. I mean, it still works. It's not like I dropped it on the staircase in Bascom and it snapped in half like it did in February or whenever that was. I picked it up off of the lamp table last night and when I tried to open, realized that it wasn't staying open. A spring or something broke, and now when I open my phone, it just rests in a less-than-90-degree angle. Talking on it is a lot of fun. I am sick of Sprint and their cheap-ass phones. The paint also started chipping on this one like, a month after I got it. I think my brother-in-law is going to come with me to get a Nextel phone. And it will be glorious.

I've been reading Wuthering Heights and I like it a lot. When I was younger, I never got into Jane Austen or the Brontë sisters because I thought they'd be stiff and boring, but ANGST! Delicious angst!

My dad is in the hospital tonight. Maybe I should have mentioned that first. It's for chest pains, but apparently it's okay because it's on the right side of his chest, and Bad Things are usually indicated by pain on the left side. My mom didn't really say much about it when we got home tonight, but my parents are always kind of weird like that. You would think that my father the pharmacist and my mother the nurse would be concerned about symptoms and things like that, but in my family it's like three weeks later, "Hey, your finger is turning purple now - maybe I should have taken you to the emergency room instead of yelling at you and telling you to go play the piano!" (yes, that actually happened to me - ask me to show you my left pinky sometime. It's still crooked.). So, they kept him over night to do some tests. My aunt had a minor heart attack a few months ago. So, I'm freaking out a little bit and trying not to think about it. This blog post is probably a direct result.

I had the first day of my internship today and even though I was ridiculously nervous, it turns out it will be really laid back, so I'm happy about that. Not as happy about returning to my job tomorrow night. There is no glory in my cashier-at-a-convenience-store-job. There is not even good pay. There are no cute boys (there are no boys ANYWHERE this summer! At least at school, I could look! I knew that I had no chance with anyone ever, but damn it, I could look). What's even better is that on Thursday, I get to work in Lawn & Garden for 3 hours. This is good because I like working outside because I like looking at the trees we sell, and straightening things, and the almost-no-customers. This is bad because I know absolutely nothing when it comes to plants and the like. I know the difference between perennials and annuals, but I don't know which is which. Do you plant annuals every year, or do they come up on their own every year? Not that it matters - I can't classify any plants into either category. It'll be great. "I don't know....let me call my manager." *nervous smile*

I finished watching the first season of Grey's Anatomy and now I really, really want to watch the second season (which is 2.5 times longer, and better!). Why does it not come out until August?? WHAT WILL I DO NOW?
Also, I find myself having absolutely no desire to watch anime. I think that this comes from watching television that actually has good dialogue. And that makes me care about characters without having to try. Maybe it's just because all of the series I'm currently watching suck except for Monster.

I think watching Grey's Anatomy has messed me up a bit, though. For the past 36 hours, I've felt a really strong desire to become a doctor/nurse, like my mom always wanted me to. Too late now, eh? I've already firmly established myself on the I-don't-know-what-the-hell-I'm-doing path. No turning back now.

Current Music: Where Does the Good Go - Tegan and Sara (current favorite song)
scribbled mystickeeper at 12:37 AM

Perhaps with the free time you have for drowning in your own thoughts you should research plants and lawn care? Two birds with one stone. I really think volunteering is the best thing you could have done with your time other than get a more time-consuming full time job.

Too late now, eh? I've already firmly established myself on the I-don't-know-what-the-hell-I'm-doing path. No turning back now.

Seriously though, it's never too late. I changed my major, and as much as it seemed almost everyone at work today who found out I'd switched from psychology to interior design lost respect for me, I'm glad I did. However, you don't want to plan your career around emotions instilled by a tv show either, unless you're really sure you want to do that. I'm guessing you probably already knew that though.

Does your blog post mean Haruhi and OHSH Club suck? =( I haven't watched them yet.

You'll be glad to know that stroke, pneumonia, large cell vasculitis, cardiac arrest repercussions, sleep apnea, and ripped tendons landing one in the hospital don't usually cite chest pain as a symptom (as my own father will tell you). These old men are just falling apart, aren't they? Don't worry, in no time they'll probably figure out what it is, write him a prescription, and in a few days he'll be rolling his eyes at the pharmacist trying to tell him how to use the medication =) Let me know how it turns out.

By Blogger Steph, at 3:47 PM, May 23, 2006  

yay tegan and sara!!

I agree with steph, she said everything more eloquently than I can.

By Blogger Gretchen, at 5:15 PM, May 23, 2006  

It turns out it doesn't matter that I don't know anything about Lawn & Garden, because there will be three of us outside on Thursday, and one of them is the guy who knows absolutely everything. Apparently they've been sticking like, five people out there at a time lately, so hopefully things will turn out all right.

in a few days he'll be rolling his eyes at the pharmacist trying to tell him how to use the medication =)

That's basically what happened today. "The doctor gave me this pill but I'm not going to take it....He tried to give me a shot before I left, but I wouldn't let him.....he gave me an Aspirin, too. That, that I will take. Now, Billie, what about this cotton ball taped on my arm?"
Mom's reply was, "Yeah, because out of everything the doctor wants you to do, we should all be most concerned about the band-aid."

As for switching my majors/whatever, I'm going to have to go with no. Lately I've been having this horrifyingly disgusting urge to do math problems (WTF?!), but I still get really grossed out by any discussion of internal organs/tubes in bodies/bodily functions. People tell me that you would get over that, but it seems pretty necessary to the profession. Also, I sucked at science. I mean, I got good grades in high school, but it was because I just spat things out - not because I had any idea what was going on. And since we all know what my grades are like when I DO know what's going on....yeah.

I think my main problem is that I feel disgusted with my life unless I am helping people. I want my career to be one that helps people somehow, and health care is probably the most direct way to do it. I just need to....relax or something.

As for anime, yeah. I mean, Host Club is all right when you want mindless amusement, but I don't find it actually funny and I really don't care about any of the characters. As for Haruhi....meh. I'll probably watch it to the end since I've seen 7 and it's only 13 or 14 long, but I really don't care about anybody in it either. I guess I'll just have to wait for the second season of Honey & Clover to come out, and start watching Revolutionary Girl Utena, XD

And Gretchen: Is this a good band to look into?? I only know of this song from Grey's Anatomy (it's at the end of an episode, and it fit really, really nicely, as GA music tends to do).

By Blogger Jackie, at 11:05 PM, May 23, 2006  

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