wOct 27, 2005


i've never been so alone / and i've never been so alive

I sat down and worked on filling in the Comparative Politics study guide for 4 hours straight tonight. I'm sure my TA will appreciate the ten detailed questions I emailed her.

They took the air conditioning out of our room today, and now all we've got is one window (of 2) that only opens 1/8 of the way. I know it's cold outside, but it seriously gets warm in here and it was nice to have the fan for ventilation. :/


I found out that one of my friends from middle/high school is going to be having a baby. I also found out that one of my elementary/middle/high school friends is probably going to be getting married some time in the spring. I probably could have seen both events coming in the relative future, but for some reason I am absolutely floored by this. Not even three years ago, I can remember all of us having a "party" at Heather's to celebrate Brianna's return visit home. We ran around chasing each other with plastic water guns. It's weird how we graduate from high school and then everything just starts falling on top of each other. One day we're being chastised for not having a specific binder for a specific class because our poor organizational skills will make us lose points because we weren't listening and a few weeks later we're viewed as adults.
Sometimes I feel like I'm really juvenile compared to everyone else. I don't even drink yet. I can't imagine having a baby right now, or even getting married. Of course, the getting married part may be due to not having a significant other since junior year in high school. ...But I suppose that nobody ever really feels like they're "ready" to be a parent.
It feels like everybody is pairing off and being all cute and in love, or deciding where they want to be in 5 years, or figuring out what their dreams are and how they're going to get there.
Sometimes it still feels like I'm the slowest kid in gym class almost-crying, yelling, "Wait for me!"

Current Music: Motorcycle Drive By - Third Eye Blind
scribbled mystickeeper at 12:58 AM
4 comments
4 Comments:

It's okay, Jackie. I feel like that too. I think it's important to take life at our own pace and not try to compare where we are to other people, who are comfortable with growing up so fast. This is college. We're here to make something of ourselves, not frittle away our time and energy drooling over other people. ; )

By Blogger Gretchen, at 8:01 AM, October 27, 2005  

Yeah...I've never gone drinking or anything either. I think the only alcohol I've ever had was in church for communion... :\

Things just sort of go whatever way they're going to. And there's no reason to hurry...plenty of cool stuff going on right now not to worry about it.

By Blogger Louise, at 11:55 AM, October 27, 2005  

Hah! You think most people really know what they're doing when they get married or have kids?

Hell no, they're just as confused as everyone else and they're just doing their best to wing it.

I'm married and I can tell you that's something you do because you realize you want to be with someone for the rest of your life, not because you have *any* idea of what exactly that's going to be like or what you're really getting into.

Also, is there anything wrong with not trying to plan what you're going to be doing in the next five years? All plans like that are is a guess at the future, nothing more.
Put thought into your decisions, of course, but do you really have to know where you're going?

God knows where you're going, right? Does it matter if you do yet?

By Blogger Creighton Hogg, at 5:05 PM, October 27, 2005  

Creighton, you make very good points, and I should also point out that upon reading your comment, it made me feel a lot better. You're right.

Sometimes, I'm just a little too emotional, methinks, ^^;

By Blogger Jackie, at 4:36 PM, October 30, 2005  

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