|wSep 9, 2005|
Okay, so I need to get myself tired because 8:50 classes on Friday morning suck, :/ Today was mostly like an out of body experience. I guess God decided that my balloon-head wasn't enough, and I needed to carry the Plague That Is Girl as well. And I stupidly forgot to bring my Tylonel to school with me. So it's basically me going through my day normally but on the inside, there's me screaming at the top of my lungs in pain all day long. Plus random pauses to blow my nose a lot, only to have to do it again five minutes later (where does it all come from?!).
I don't know. In my comparative ethnic studies class, we received an assignment to write a 2-3 page essay by September 20th. The subject is this: "When and how did you first become aware of your own race? (logistical crap.....) What shaped the way you first became aware of your racial identity? If the answer is the first day of this class, that is fine. Work with that. Either way, your response should take into account the relationship between what Tatum calls identity and social context. What the hell. I honestly can't remember ever not being aware of my social identity. Lots of people from the suburbs will tell lameass stories about the first they ever saw a black person and "realized that everyone isn't the same color," but that never happened to me (and I cry 'bullshit' to anyone who says it did - seriously, with all of the television we had growing up, you'd have to have the comprehension level of a rock). I guess the first time I ever thought a lot about other races was when I'd read Little House on the Prairie books....and when I learned about slavery and the Underground Railroad. I remember reading a lot about that when I was little and being angry about it. But that's not really about my own race, or "becoming aware of my racial identity." I don't know how the hell to answer the question. Hopefully my TA will be of help....
We watched "Alien Resurrection" tonight. I love those Alien movies. Louise says #1 and #3 suck, but I love the character of Ripley so much that I don't care. And watching Ripley/Aliens written by Joss Whedon made it even more enjoyable.
I think I'm always going to end up feeling weird on Thursday nights. Because I usually feel creative after being able to get all my homework done and then sitting down and watching a movie. And Steph is gone until 2:00 working so I'm in the room alone with nothing to do. But I should go to bed since I have to get up at 7:00 tomorrow.....meh. I stayed in most of today because I felt like such crap. Steph offered Advil to me. I was going to pop four, but she told me I should only take one, so I took three instead. I should definitely sleep before that wears off. Since the whole reason I took it was so that I would actually be able to fall asleep.
Oh, and in random news, I was flipping through graphpaper tonight (Louise and Kristen decided 10:15 was a good time to discuss writing, those whores) and found random scraps of information written down for my story (it really needs a freaking name). And then all of a sudden, I had a back story for both of Timria's parents. And then lots of things made sense (except for one thing, which needs to fall in somehow). So that's pretty cool. Back stories are always good. Even when you don't have a plot.
Everyone seems to have plans figured out. At least until the end of undergrad years. How to get to grad school and beyond, and what they want to do after that. What they want to do with their lives. I feel like I'm never going to know, or I'm never going to be satisfied. I've gotten this far by telling myself that things will get better, yes they will. And I guess they half-did, when I came to college but in some ways they got worse. How am I ever going to figure my life out? I don't even know if I made the right choice when I declared my Poli Sci major. But what else am I going to do? I don't know. Even if I get Journalism to go with it, by some act of God, I don't know what I want to do. I don't like settling into routines, I don't think. I don't think I want to live in the same city and work in the same office for the rest of my life, no matter what it is I'm doing. I don't think I could do that. College is such a strange place. You talk to some people and afterwards, you feel like you're really ahead of the game and you've got a good head on your shoulders everything's going to be just great. But then you talk to other people and you feel like you're in first grade and they're in fifth grade and you don't even understand how they know so much about who they are and what they want from life. This is getting melodramatic and it's also getting to be 1:00 so I'll slit the throat of this entry.
Current Music: Lost in Hollywood - System of a Downscribbled mystickeeper at 12:46 AM
a good many of the people who say they know what they want to do when done with college will change their career about six times
Actually no one is as sure of what they want to do as they sound...
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