wApr 18, 2004

Father John

So, Heather told me last night, but it didn't really sink in until mass today. Father John will be leaving our parish on May 3rd. He's an associate priest, and only here until he gets his on parish, like now. Actually, he gets three, which is really cool because he's only 28 years old. But, I love Father John and I'm going to miss him so much. When he told us during mass, I almost cried. I haven't cried yet, but I keep almost doing it. I'm writing him a letter right now because I feel like I have lots of things to say. But.....gah. If I get this shaken up about one person, then how the hell am I going to be able to go to college? I love so many people. Gah, damn it. I keep having to stop typing this letter and press my fingers into my eyes because I have to leave to play at a piano recital in about an hour and I can't lose it. I haven't lost it for two weeks, I can't lose it now. Damn it. Okay, yeah, I just needed a break from writing that to compose myself and I think I can keep going now. Okay, or maybe not. Maybe I'll just put it away for now and write it later. I was rereading my diary from when I broke up with Jake, and just remembering how I went to daily mass because I felt so incredibly awful. I was sitting in the back pew, just staring listlessly before mass, trying to not hate myself, and Father John just kind of tapped his book on my head when he walked by. And I didn't say anything at the time, but a couple days later, he asked me if I was okay, and all I said was, "...Yeah." (as is custom when I'm really not okay) And at the time, I just...I don't know, I freeze when I get like that at it's impossible to open up even when I want to. So he just said, "I'll pray for you, Jackie." And it probably sounds really small now, but it really meant a lot. He also told me to write the letter to The Compass despite my mom being a prat....and he told me he hoped I felt better about it, too. Aw, gahdamnit. Okay, I need to stop writing now, I'm going to go play the piano.
scribbled mystickeeper at 11:29 AM

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