wMar 14, 2004

a blatant stream of consciousness for your betterment

This weekend, I've decided a couple things. One is that I hate Friday nights when I have to work the next day. I haven't the slightest idea why....I think it's left over from the summer, when I would get horribly....well, feel "bad" and then have to make myself get up and go to work the next morning. Roll out of bed, pretend you care, and smile. I mean....I don't know why it's so different for work, because it's even worse when you go to school - at work you just talk about the weather or the items people are buying or the stupid swiping machine. But at school, you never know what you're going to have to talk about. And it's weird that every Friday night sucks so much because Saturday mornings are always really good. I especially love driving to work. I don't know why. It's just ten minutes, but there are always good songs on the radio and when I'm going over the bridge then I almost forget all the stupid situations and everything in my life and I stop caring and for a couple seconds, everything's all good. It's the ride home that usually kind of sucks because my eyes always water and I'm hoping I won't suddenly get into a car accident and go over the concrete barrier and into the river. Because I'm cool and think about things like that.

This blog entry is a product of not writing lately. I've felt something building for like, a week now, but I just don't know what the hell to say. I don't know if I should write a poem or a short story or if I should actually work on my longer story and continue it. I never know, so I just don't write. I stayed up until about quarter to two last night. I'll probably regret that tonight when I feel like staying up until one and lie in my bed awake at eleven, staring at the spines of my books trying to fall asleep. Anyway. I woke up and read the Evangelion manga this morning. Good stuff, it makes me feel like watching the anime again. Or at least some of it. Especially those last couple episodes...The last one where Asuka and Shinji and Rei all play string instruments and the music is so perfect and it's so....gah.

The other thing I decided this weekend is that I also hate Sunday afternoons. I'm not trying to complain, it's just an observation of weekly cycles. I hate Sunday afternoons because as I do my homework, I realize all the things I'll have to do for school during the week, and sometimes the amount of stuff just makes me want to cry. Not so much stress - I don't care about my grades any more because it's the last semester of senior year and I've already been accepted to Madison. Grades aren't about that any more, it's just...I don't know, I guess the feeling just gets ingrained in you. Do you work, do it better, do it best. Sometimes I'm pretty sure that "the smart kids" have larger mental complexes than everybody else. They pin their worth on their grades because they have to be perfect to be accepted. Because the smart people are the ones who think about things that nobody else thinks about and nobody else wants to hear about. So, throughout the course of school, the smart people learn to shut up, and just keep working because if they just get an A then everything will be okay. It really makes you think about the "successful" people in society. They're really all just a bunch of high schoolers in suits only instead of grades, it's money.

Wow, I'm sorry.....I guess I just have so many things to say, but there's never anyone I talk to every night. High school's been effed up, but up until a couple months ago, there's always been someone I'd talk to just about every night and I guess now that there isn't, things like this just sit inside my brain until I decide to spew it all in my blog so that you all can pretend you read it but really skip over it because it's too long. Heh. Well now that I've given you a glimpse of the things I've been thinking about this weekend, I think that I will go make the visual for the biography information of my English project. My presentation has no "slant." It is boring and I don't care. Also, I haven't studied for History much this weekend. I'm thinking about going to Barnes and Noble later to use their AP History study-guide books. They're meant for the AP exam, but you just have to look up the time periods you're studying. Maybe Lindsey'll go with me. Hmm.

Current Music: Echo - Vertical Horizon
scribbled mystickeeper at 11:46 AM

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