wSep 30, 2006

Saturday Morning Confessional

How is it that we've already reached the end of September? At the end of next week, I will be finished with 1/3 of this semester. I have been dating Antoine for a month. How does time fly by so quickly? I don't even know.

My latest best purchase: Hello Kitty pop-tarts from Copp's. Their flavor is "Meow-Berry." Creighton and I each enjoyed one last night at Antoine's, and I consumed a burnt one complete with melted pink frosting for breakfast this morning.

Common sense would tell a person that cramming everything in during the last 24 hours before an exam is a bad idea. So riddle me this, blog readers: why do professors often schedule review sessions the night before the exam?! This seems like a bad idea.

During this past week as a whole, I've been kind of out of sorts. I haven't really been able to get the things done that I wanted to get done. At this moment, I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff, and I pretty much am - I have 3 midterms next week, and two assignments that are due before the exams begin. There are so many things that I would rather be doing.

I keep thinking about what it is I would like to do once I've graduated from college, and I still don't really know. It seems like once you've picked your major, this is the new question that everybody and their mother feels is necessary to ask. Some of my friends, like Creighton, keep engaging in conversation with me about it - not an uncomfortable, accusatory question of what the hell I think I'm doing, but thoughtful reflections about what would be best for me. I really don't feel like grad school would be for me. Or, at least, that's how I feel about it right now.
My thoughts keep turning back to Law School, but in all honesty, I don't know precisely what I would do with a Law Degree. I don't think I would want to work for a law firm. I don't think I would want to open my own practice. I feel like a big part of the reason I would want to go to Law School is for the respect it would earn me. I know that's a selfish reason, but at least I'm being honest with myself about it. I'm really sick of the uncomfortable silence that generally occurs every time I meet someone new, or inform an old acquaintance that my majors are Political Science and English. This revelation is invariably followed by one of the three follow-up statements:
1) Oh....So you're going to teach?
2) Oh, that's really neat! What are you going to do with that?
3) Ah, yes, Pre-Law.
The answer to #1 is "No;" I have no answer for #2; The answers to #1 and #2 are what make me want to say, "Why, yes!" to #3.
I think I should probably just find a job for when I'm done with my undergraduate degree. A person can attend Law School at any point in their life, and it's not any more or less prudent to do so immediately after undergrad. Law School costs a lot of money, and I don't want to spend anybody's money to do so unless I'm damn sure that I want to go.

These are the questions my thoughts keep revolving around, which is probably a lot of what's making it so difficult for me to get my work-load of assignments and studying under control. I think about my future and get stressed out, and then I spend time with my friends so as to destress. It's good for my mental state of mind, but I need to find a way to make the questions stop so that I can take control of the present.

Also: I really hate that being a student has the tendency to kill my hobbies. Or, hobby, I guess, since I'm really only referring to one thing here: Writing. For whatever reason, I always feel the most creative when I'm in school. It's probably the constant barrage of literature that I encounter in my English classes, and the discussion thereof, that give me a constant feed of ideas regarding both of the longer stories I pretend are on-going, as well as ideas for some short stories. But I can't permit myself to work on them at all. Writing is hard work, especially if you want to do it well. Writing has always taken me a long time. And I just don't have time for it. My life is a delicate balance between studying and socializing, and I probably already spend more time socializing that should be spent studying. Any time I feel creative, I can't justify taking the time out to sit down and write my thoughts down.
I don't really know what I can do about this; I just know that I feel pretty sad about it. It's very frustrating to feel the creativity swirling inside of you, and not feeling like you can do anything about it.

Current Music: None, because as soon as this is posted, I will be doing homework.
scribbled mystickeeper at 12:26 PM

You know, despite my not having lit classes for two years, I too experience the extra flood of creative ideas during the semester and can do nothing about it. WTF is up with that? maybe it's something about writing being far more appealing than doing homework (but less appealing than, say, sitting around doing nothing or talking to friends)... or maybe this whole class thing makes us think so much that writing kind of gets stirred up with it?

who knows :P

By the way, I think you get automatic respect just by being so badass. Scifi club cowers in fear before you :-O

By Blogger Tas, at 4:16 PM, October 01, 2006  

It could very well be that intellectual stimulation stirs the cup of creativity. That would make a lot of sense.

And wow. Apparently being called badass is a really awesome compliment, because I think I just blushed, :)

By Blogger Jackie, at 4:47 PM, October 01, 2006  

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