|wNov 9, 2005|
and then i freaked out
Apparently the angst of last night is going to continue for quite some time. But I'm having an identity crisis and you will just have to get over it.
Chad and Steph have both asked me a very good question: "If you don't want to be a journalist, then why do you want to major in journalism?" This is a good question. Why would I narrow my focus to something so specific if I don't even know if that's what I want to do? Why don't I major in English? English is like, the perfect major for me, the bibliomaniac who has also been writing for as long as it's seemed like a good idea. The obvious answer is that I have no idea what I'd do with it. Not that that really matters either - I have no idea what I'm going to do with Political Science. I sat in lecture for 75 minutes today and when I thought of myself as an English major, I was much, much happier than I have been in a while. It felt right. But then I came back home and scrolled through the classes on the timetable and realized that none of the English ones sounded interesting. Everything just sounds hard. I don't want to sift through tons of verse...well, actually I kind of do. I don't know. I like classical literature - Shakespeare, for example. It just seems like I would die. Speaking of which, I feel like I'm going to die right now. Me in my little entry-level classes. Geology 107 - thinking about that class, I could probably produce real tears thinking about next week's Lecture Exam AND Lab Quiz. Perhaps I am one of those people who is not meant to handle the stresses of college.
I keep thinking of going to Law School, and I really wish that that would go away. For some reason, I have a romanticized idea of what being a lawyer would be like, as opposed to reality. Long hours, lots of time spent sucking up to people to get into a place where I can actually make a difference (like politics, :O), and I have serious issues with defending people who are guilty and prosecuting people who are innocent. I don't think that I could make my livelihood off of that.
What did I do to be proactive? I made an appointment with my advisor (the political science advisor was the only one who would meet with me - the English Advisor won't until after 12/1 because I'm not a major - WHY AREN'T THEY NICE TO PROSPECTIVE STUDENTS WHO ARE FLOUNDERING?!), but this meeting will not take place until 3 days before I sign up for classes.
After explaining my plight to Steph, we sat here for about ten minutes of her throwing out ideas, asking me if something sounded interesting. "Do you like science?" No. "Do you like analyzing books?" No. I don't give a shit about placing books into categories, or finding and analyzing every single word that can be considered symbolism. "Do you want to be a lawyer?" No. "Do you want to work in government?" No. "Do you want to write for magazines?" No. I hate magazines. "Do you want to write for newspapers?" No. Etc. Etc. Etc. I was actually quite serious last night when I pointed out that there is absolutely nothing of interest to me. (except writing for my own pleasure, says a voice, but that voice must be silenced because I can ALWAYS write on the side no matter what I do - but I have a long way to go before I can do anything with my writing and in order to be around for a long time, I need to pick another freaking major and figure out what the hell I'm doing in two years)
Since my cellphone is saving its juice to wake me up tomorrow morning, I dug out some old phone cards to try and call my mom, who wasn't home. And now I just need to wait a while. I don't want to talk to this with my dad because I think that if I tell him I want to major in English, he'll be mad at me, or he'll tell me that I should major in business instead. Maybe I should have made my mom happy and been a nurse.
I'm going to go and have a small catharsis now. And after that, I'll be emotionally spent for the evening. If any of you have any advice, please do share it. Maybe I'll put this in the LJ, too. My head hurts.
Also, I need a letter of recommendation to get into the Journalism school - I can't apply to the school unless I'm going to take it for sure because if I get accepted, I HAVE to take the next course next semester - no exceptions. So I'm thinking right now that maybe I'll just wait to apply. I probably wouldn't have gotten in this semester anyway, and it's only a 3-semester program. I can still go back to it.
Current Music: the wind. it was quite strong today.scribbled mystickeeper at 5:01 PM
Let me begin by saying that, at least, your questions about whether or not you're truly interested in what you're doing are not unique to you (aka everyone feels the same way, Jackie!)
If you did want to go to law school you don't *have* to do court room stuff. Both my aunt and uncle are lawyers. He works for a bank and she does politics stuff in addition to other lawyer things. If you ever want to I know they wouldn't mind talking with you about it at all, they're really nice.
Jackie, KMJ & Louise are exactly right. Pick something you love right now and let it evolve from there. You are putting waaaaay too much pressure on this decision. Whatever you decide, this is not it for life! People change careers now like 6-8 times in their lives. Many, many people are not doing what they majored in during college.
I support the previous commentator.
Kristen - yeah, I've definitely decided to take some English courses next semester. Hopefully I can elbow my way into the ones I want. Also, your advice on not comparing myself to others was exceedingly helpful.
Okay wait, are you Talon???
You are a riot. Reference Kristy's blog!
....hahaha...no it shouldn't but for some reason I was compelled to respond. Tooooo funny though.
|Posts Sorted by Tags|
Purpose of This Blog
|wI'm all over the Internet|
Most of the comment-conversation takes place over at the LiveJournal version of this blog. Plus, all of my cute and/or heinous icons are there.
|wThe Good Stuff|
|wFF7 Is Cooler Than You|