wOct 16, 2005

you're the part of me that i don't want to see

I wasn't really aware of how excited I was for my sister and Kevin and the kids to visit until I was running up the stairs to wait for them outside in front of the dorm. I looked in the van and was surprised to see my dad there, too. So that was pretty cool. They all came in and saw my room and then we went to the farmer's market. Ate scones, tasted cheese, etc. The kids obtained balloon creatures - a puppy for Mia, a sword for Dylan, and a kitty for Olivia. We ate at Potbelly's and then went to Avol's, which has a pretty cool kids' room. It looks really small in that little paragraph, but I really had a lot of fun with everyone. It was cool showing the kids random things, and trying to explain what college is. Mia got kind of crabby towards the end, though, :/ It was so sad when they left! We had all gone to the back door, and I was still hanging on to it so I could go back inside. I had kind of said goodbye to everybody and then Mia (the one who's 2) kind of realized that I wasn't going back with them. She toddled over and hugged my legs.
"You come with US, Jackie!"
"No, Mia, I'm staying here."
"'Cause this is where I live."
"No, you come live in my house!"
"Mia, I have to go to school."
"No!" She started to push the door shut and I was like, ;_;
She flopped down on the steps but when Julie and Kevin kind of started walking she followed. Yeah. I'm pretty sure that was the saddest thing ever and the whole thing made me ridiculously homesick. Or lonely. Both, if I wasn't already before.
Dylan (4) had made a random comment, too. We were sitting under my bed at my desk, and I was explaining to him that this was where I did my homework. And he said, "I don't like you being all by yourself underneath here, Jackie." And I said, "Well, I'm not; Steph lives here too." He said, "I know, but she's gone when we're gonna leave....and she's not always in here, is she?" I dunno. It just kind of bothered me, because I guess I realized how much time I spend sitting in here by myself. Most of that is spent reading/studying, but the kid does have a point.

After they left, there wasn't much time before Anime Club. I feel like I shouldn't even go any more...I just don't enjoy it. I like being with my friends and some of the new people I've met, and I like the things we watch, but there are just....stupid things that piss me off. Tonight in particular was filled with massive amounts of idiocy.

I feel like I should be productive right now but I don't think I can. Starting tomorrow, I'll study.

Spare me your condescending shit,
This is me scrubbing my face raw
and my teeth ‘til they bleed
and going to bed hungry so I can try my damndest to be

because frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.
Why can’t courage come wrapped
in plastic to protect it from external damage
and guarantee its purity?
Because it’s your fault for being such an idiot.
Again, again, again, you never learn
and I’m fairly certain that you deserve this.
Thank you, and have a good night.

Current Music: Forget It - Breaking Benjamin
scribbled mystickeeper at 1:43 AM

My nephews didn't want me to go back to Madison either.

It was easier for me to leave, though.

By Anonymous benjamin, at 8:10 AM, October 16, 2005  

Post a Comment