wApr 18, 2004

yay today

Today turned out to be good after all. I wrote my letter to Father John and I felt a lot better after having my catharsis. Then I had my piano recital. It kind of sucked because just about everyone playing was a lot younger than me. And I thought that my mom wasn't there....I didn't see her until afterwards. I hate playing in front of people. I usually don't even practice unless I'm home alone. I don't know why. Usually I don't get that self-conscious, only when I play the piano. Needless to say, I sucked. And I went after and before these two other kids who were really, really good. I didn't think that my mom supposedly not being there effected me that much, but when I realized that she was there, I suddenly felt a lot better about getting all flustered and whatever and no longer felt the need to cry any more. I'm 17 and I still need my mommy to be present at functions so I can be like all the other kids. Anyway. Came home and slept for a bit, and then went to Youth Liturgy and New Life. Youth Liturgy was fun. We had pizza and cake to surprise Ashley for getting Confirmed so that she could have a Confirmation party, as her parents didn't give her one, :P I ate too much and the food was yummy. I hope we do stuff in the summer (like going to visit Father John!).....I'm going to miss them so much. But...just keep going forward, right? I'll just keep enjoying the time I have and making memories while I can and hope to God that I make friends when I go to college. That's my biggest fear, is not being able to make friends. Which is almost stupid, because....well, excepting the people who still have a stick up their butts about being "popular," I'm friends with a ton of people in our grade, or at least well enough acquainted that I could carry on a decent conversation. What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, Youth Lit and New Life. I need to tell you all a secret that I've only told my diary. I've hated New Life ever since Matt stopped directing it. Not the people in it - I love them. But we just haven't had a good director, and it hasn't really felt alive ever since Matt. I really really wish Jordan would still play the drums.....it sounds so...yeah, we need drums. And more than five or six members would be nice, too. I've tried to be optimistic about the whole thing, but there's only a couple weeks until the last mass so I think it's alright to let the secret out. At the next Worship Commission meeting, though, I'm going to tell Wayne that we need a new director. Because the one we have now is really nice and whatever....he just doesn't direct. He plays his guitar, but we never get any cues or conducting. Oh well, no more complaining. After that I watched an episode of The West Wing with Kristy and Chad and now here I am. I don't think I'm going to work on Law tonight at all. I could, but I just don't care. I'm really bummed that vacation's over....6 straight weeks of school. But at least then I never have to go back to the hellhole again.

Current Music: Nature Boy, Lady Marmalade - Moulin Rouge
scribbled mystickeeper at 9:35 PM

Post a Comment