wApr 3, 2004

Usually, when I wake up the morning after being depressed the night before, I just keep telling myself "Don't think about it" and everything's okay, but this morning, I didn't feel any better at all. So I'm really sorry to anyone I talked to before school, especially Ryan. I get really despondent, and just try not to talk. So sorry. It's not that I don't want to talk, just that that's how I am. After first hour, I started feeling better and as the day progressed, I was fine. I really...didn't want to be home at all, though. I just didn't want to be around my mom, I guess, after last night. I went over to Chad's as soon as I got home to watch The Apprentice and Survivor with him and Kristy. Then I stopped in quick, and then left to eat at Fazoli's with Lindsey and some other girls in my grade. I felt kind of bad because Julie and the kids were over, but.....way too much drama last night and I really didn't want to repeat it. So we went out to eat and did random things all night. I tried calling my mom after Fazoli's, but no one picked up at the house. I left a message, but of course no one checked it. When I came home at about quarter to one, my mom was just like, "Where were you?" And then she followed me, about two feet away all through the house for five minutes asking me questions. And she kept asking things like, "Are you sick?" "Are you crabby?" "Did you have fun?" I don't know, maybe I'm the only one in the world like this, but when someone's the cause of me crying for the better part of an hour, then I guess that it's difficult for me to act normal around them. I get so conflicted.....I feel really bad, but....it's like she just says things that really upset me and then when I can't act normal around her, she gets all hurt. And I understand why my aloofness would bother her under normal circumstances, but....well, you basically keep repeating to your daughter that the only thing she loves to do is stupid, well...yeah. Maybe I just have no real future. Whatever, I don't want to think about that. I had fun tonight, so that was good. But I'm really tired, so the end.
scribbled mystickeeper at 1:01 AM

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