wMar 23, 2004

In Which Jackie Goes Insane

Oh, and this morning when I woke up I almost remembered a dream. It was about a Civil War (heavily influenced by the AP History's current study in it, I'm sure), only it was a different Civil War. Lots of people died. And there was something about internet battles. That's all I remember. Maybe in the future, we will all fight online!

*mauls in the internal organs with firepoker*

I could so fight that way! Except then there would be all the morons who would continue like:
*SUDDENLY regenerates, descends from the ceiling, and IMPALES you!!*

Stupid people disillusion me. I want to find honest people. Yes.

But mostly I want to find a way to get all these emotions and loneliness outside of me somehow. I need to freaking write something, but now whenever I think about poetry, I think about my English teacher and my English class and how I felt really uncomfortable reading my poem and how I don't want to write anything because what if I post it and people read it and they don't like it? In the back of my mind, there's a pissed off Jackie saying, "Who the hell cares if they like it? Do you write for them?! No! You just write for yourself, and happen to allow others to see it."

Yeah, what the hell is my problem? I don't know either. I think I'll watch two more episodes of Evangelion and then try to draw or write before I go to bed. I can only hope that my psychotic state goes away by tomorrow so that I can get things done after school. I hate when I don't know if these waves of...mood are caused by depression or if I'm getting my period. Maybe if it came more often than sometimes once every three months or whenever it feels like coming, then I'd know what the hell was going on! But we'll just assume it's depression because hoping that it went away was just a really stupid thought.

Taste the salt and taste the pain
I'm not thinking of you again
Summer dies and swells rise
The sun goes down in my eyes
See this rolling wave
Darkly coming to take me
And I've never been so alone
And I've never been so alive

Current Music: Motorcycle Driveby - Third Eye Blind
scribbled mystickeeper at 9:16 PM

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