wOct 28, 2002

Again, wow. But for different reasons. You know, it's hard to describe how I feel about my friends. I love them more than anything in the world. There are a lot of us, but I've always felt that there's this common bond that ties us all together. We're all the same somehow, and I've never been able to define it. And yet, sometimes I wish I had other friends, or even just one person (like a boyfriend) who was closer to me. There are few people with whom I've felt they actually understand me....and I guess after the whole Kristy/Chad thing, I shut my door and I can't trust anybody. Sure, I can tell people what's bothering me when something's wrong (well, sometimes), but telling isn't trusting. And it's not something you can make yourself get over - someone has to help you, and that's really demanding....I guess I'm still waiting for someone to come into my life and show me how. I don't know. And the whole understanding me thing....I guess that's hard, too. I don't mean this in an arrogant way at all, but I'm deeper than most people - like, I can see really obscure things and read between the lines, but if something's right in front of my face, I usually totally miss it because I'm utterly absorbed in something else. And my moods are weird, too. Like, in Milwaukee or Notre Dame or DC, or something Jesus-related, I soar so high that I don't think I'll ever be able to come down...and yet, my hopelessness and loneliness can run just as low. It's weird when I get depressed - all I want is for everything to end, but I would never, ever kill myself. Unless I was like, protecting someone else - like, someone gets shot at, I'd take a bullet for him/her. I don't know. I'm a strange, complicated little girl, I think. And I write way too much in this blog of mine. MUST. DO. HOMEWORK.
scribbled mystickeeper at 9:14 PM

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